Ron Paul

Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul has surged to a devastating lead in Arizona, far outdistancing John McCain and all other challengers, just three weeks before the state’s presidential preference election, according to a straw poll of GOP yuppies conducted in a Scottsdale bar during happy Thursday night.

Seasoned political analysts associated with the Republican Professional Club noted their straw poll was something less than perfectly scientific – and only partly because they sold the 515 ballots used in the poll for $5 each.

Nonetheless, here are the, ahem, official results:

– Ron Paul, 80 percent.

– John McCain, 12 percent.

– Mitt Romney, 3 percent.

– Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson and blank ballots, 1 percent each.

– Mike Huckabee, Duncan Hunter and two people whose driver’s licences reveal them to be Charles Jensen and John Galt, 0.5 percent each. 

The only definitive aspect of the pay-per-skew poll is that it raised $2,575 for the club. 

John McCain (right) and a few of his friends

A Republican insider suggested a new drinking game involving televised presidential debates. OK, the rules are still evolving, but here’s the working model so far…

You and your friends settle down in front of the tube to watch the next Republican debate. Everyone picks a candidate.

If your candidate is John McCain, every time he says “my friends,” you gulp some beer.

If your candidate is Mitt Romney, every time he mentions “Olympics,” you take a slug.

If your candidate is Rudy Giuliani, every time he utters “9/11,” drink away.

The Republican insider hasn’t yet determined the drinking cues for Mike Huckabee, Fred Thompson or Ron Paul yet. Give him time…

On the Democratic side…

If your candidate is Hillary Clinton, when she says “experience,” you gulp.

If your candidate is Barack Obama, when he says some version of “make history,” you make your beer history.

The cues for John Edwards, and well, whoever else is still left on the Dem side, haven’t been finalized.

Any viewer who hasn’t passed out before the end of the program declares himself or herself the winner. Congratulations.

Initially, the Republican insider who brainstormed this idea suggested Obama’s cue ought to be the word “change,” but I had to veto that idea on the basis that it would cause alcoholism.

Mike Huckabee

Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee are expected to become official candidates in
Arizona’s presidential preference elections soon.

Campaign officials for Obama were expected to file the necessary paperwork with the Arizona Secretary of State’s Office today, Thursday, Dec. 13, while campaign officials for Huckabee were expected to do likewise Friday, Dec. 14.

Obama and Huckabee certainly go on the “Who’s Who” side of the ledger, rather than the “Who’s That?” side.

To date, the “Who’s Who” candidates who will appear on ballots in Arizona on Feb. 5 are Republicans Huckabee, Rudy Giuliani, Duncan Hunter and Mitt Romney; plus Democrats Obama, Christopher Dodd, John Edwards and Mike Gravel.

The list of “Who’s That?” candidates who also will appear on ballots are Republicans named John Fitzpatrick, Daniel Gilbert, John McGratch and Jack Shepard; plus Democrats named Frank Lynch, Leland Montell, Philip Tanner and Evelyn Vitullo.